You sigh in relief at surviving the lunch rush and hitting your earnings goal. Hopefully you’ll get an excuse to go playing in the dirt instead. A light fog has settled over the café, hiding the disconcerting wiggling pears on the ceiling from view. Fuzang is curled around the pear juice fountain and seems to have dozed all through the lunch rush.

Before the Manager can flag you down, though, Fuzang rises and eels his way over to you. “You know, I am quite fascinated by the ground here,” he begins. “The golems here are completely unique, and several aspects of them suggest that there might be something even more interesting buried in the soil. I’ve tried applying for a permit for an archaeological dig here, but the Manager keeps blocking me. I know you have other, more pressing duties, but if you dig out anything else interesting from the fields at the back – or even just some more of that dirt – I would be more than happy to compensate you for your labor.” He then produces a business card, revealing that he is a professor at one of the most esteemed dwarven universities.

“Of course, Professor,” you say.

“Oh, no need to stand on formality with me. I’ll be right here.” He curls back around the pear juice fountain. A golem brings him hotpot. It looks suspiciously pear-flavored. Unlike all the other customers, he doesn’t need a shoulder dragon to keep the hotpot hot.

The Manager hasn’t given you new instructions yet, so you go back out to the back, pear hat wiggling jauntily on your head. The fog is even worse here, making you unsure of how much you’ll have to dig, but you’re sure you can manage. You’re really digging this archaeology sidequest, and who knows – maybe you’ll find something to escape this cooking simulator.

Time to embrace the dirt again!

Pear Board 2 Grid and List of Goals

Pear Collection | Prompt Collection (AO3) | Prompt Collection (Automagic App)

You’re utterly covered in dirt and you’re about to ask about the chance of grabbing a shower when you hear – no, feel – some deep rumblings beneath the cafe. You reach out and brace yourself against one of the wooden tables spread around the main area. There are people – well, not just people; there are dwarves and trolls and sprites and is that a mermaid in a portable pool? – sitting around and they appear completely nonplussed.

The cafe suddenly lights up in a glorious cacophony of oranges and reds and yellows, a heat that seems to singe your skin, and as it dies away you see a dragon has stuck its head through your window.

“Dirt!” someone yells. “You need to give it the dirt!”

Well, you certainly don’t see the point in keeping it for yourself, so you hand it all over and the dragon takes it carefully in its mouth. You watch as it deposits it in a rather neat square out the front of the cafe, smooth and spread out.

Suddenly, the dirt begins to come to life. Surely this isn’t real, but no, it’s there. Large humanoid creatures growing from the dirt.

“About time,” the manager says. Her dress is dancing even more out here, and there isn’t a breeze to explain it. “The golems have been missing for a while, we appreciate you helping bring them back. Now – get out there and earn us some more tips.”

Grape Boss 1 progress tracker

Grape Collection | Prompt Collection (AO3) | Prompt Collection (Automagic App)

( Boss 1 Rules )

“That would be the lunch rush,” the Manager says. You see a name tag on her dress. It reads “Manager MANAGER, Café Manager.” It seems that the saying nomen est omen does apply after all.

You re-enter the café just as a giant horde of dwarves comes in, probably from the mines. Some booths are already full of all variety of creatures, crystal sprites and faeries and selkies – and is that a lava mermaid on the top level? – and you can see that with the dwarves, the place will be packed.

Just as you’re about to start frantically chopping vegetables, one of the other servers says, “Oh, he’s early today!”

You look at who could have inspired this reaction and see that a dragon has poked its whiskered face in through the window. You don’t remember the Pear Wiggler having a window there when you came, but perhaps they remodeled while you were in the fields.

The dragon seems to be incredibly distracted by the pear juice fountain. He squirms inside the café sinuously.

“New people!” the Manager calls. “Give the old geezer the dirt you dug up. And hurry up, we have an earnings goal to meet!”

You look at the earnings goal and think you’ll be here all week before you can meet it, but keep the thought to yourself. Instead, you bring the dirt to the dragon, only to discover that… it’s coming to life?

“Ahh, golems; I was wondering if this would happen,” the dragon says. He sounds old and wise. He joins you in watching the golems spring to work, serving people at a pace that might make the Manager’s earnings goal at least somewhat realistic. “But there’s no need for you to mind old Fuzang. Go entertain the customers and get some tips.”

Tips? Perhaps they will be counted towards the earnings target. You thank Fuzang for his advice and spread out to entertain waiting customers with art and stories.

Pear Boss 1 progress tracker

Pear Collection | Prompt Collection (AO3) | Prompt Collection (Automagic App)

( Boss 1 Rules )